I realized today that I am old; but not in a bad way. I am a grown woman, for real. One that cares about what happens around her, to her, and I am grateful for that awareness. I used to harbor these feelings towards my mother for being so hard on me, but I wanted to drive over to her house and give her a hug today. Because if she had not taught me how to be a fighter, how to stand on my own two feet, and how to live in this world, I would be in a heap of trouble.
I look at younger women these days and I am concerned. Very concerned. There are a handful that have the work ethic and tenacity that it is going to require to fight the fight, but some are just succumbing. I watched a girl get fired today over some bullshit and she showed absolutely no remorse at all. None. Now, I don’t know what her insides were doing, but her outsides? Attitude, and like it was the job’s fault that she was fucking up. My brother is like that, too. Everything is everyone else’s fault, nothing is ever his fault. Life has dealt him a fairly blessed hand so far, yet he doesn’t even have a clue about how far and how deep. That is sad.
I look around me and I see these young people in their 20’s just movin through life with no purpose and I wonder what the hell happened. I know that it has become the age of video games and television and internet, but there has to be something else, right? Shiftless parents, failing schools, single-parent homes (although I would argue that single-parent homes can and do produce good kids)…where has the accountability gone? Maybe its because I no longer live in the city and I don’t know what life is in the ‘hood anymore that I don’t understand it. But ever since I was a teenager, I knew that I wanted to live. I knew that I wanted a bigger and better life. I knew that I didn’t want to succumb to whatever everyone thought I should be because of the color of my skin or my gender or what I looked like.
So instead of sitting here and asking questions, I’ve decided to do something about it. I am volunteering to mentor 3 young women, to teach them something that maybe they haven’t been taught. When I was young and dumb, I had my mother and my aunts, and older women who told me the things that I needed to know. Maybe this is part of my purpose. That teacher thing in me is wider than just being what I am at work…I need to expand on that and carry it through to other places…
I’ll let you know how it turns out…
I thought that I would give you a little original MarvalusOne poetry…it’s a piece I call “No Strings” that I wrote a while ago…it’s raw and a little rough…here goes:
no strings means no strings, right?
maybe i blurred the line
between our friendship
and the sex
maybe i wasn’t clear at the beginning
that all i needed you for was to
get rid of this celibacy hex?
i mean, it had been over 3 fucking years!
all the guilt i carried after the last time was gone
i was ready to shift gears…
all those feelings i buried came back on a blaze
so i had to compromise with ms. kitty,
told her i would get her some
if she would calm down and behave.
so you and i made an agreement: “no strings”
just come, hit this, and leave
but you turned into a problem
and started to twist shit, i believe
stood me up, didn’t call
why can’t a sista expect respect?
couldn’t get the dick on command
playa, you got some skills you need to perfect!
now the dick whatn’t bad
i’d grade it a 7
i didn’t get my groove back or nothing
i didn’t see no heaven
did you want me to chase you?
shit, i think not
i’m too old to play games
you can save that for them 20 year-old twats!
then you have the nerve to say
i attached strings?
i understand that this was a fling
where do you get that it was something other?
maybe you have me confused with another?
in case you forgot
let me remind you
i am a full grown WOMAN
get a fucking clue
you not dealing with no stupid little girl
who’s trying ta get with you
i like my men to be men
not little boys
when i want to play
then we bring out the real toys!
no strings, brotha, means no strings!
maybe you need me to define it for you.
let me tell you again
it means come, hit, leave
it means call me late in the eve
it means do not be deceived
it means I will not conceive
it means try not to be so naive
NO STRINGS means NO STRINGS!!
(fingers snapping, fingers snapping, fingers snapping)
It’s all love, baby…
