words of the day…
“Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.”
~ James Baldwin
Archive for the ‘Inspirations’ Category
something fabulous this way comes…
I did something for me on my 40th birthday…just for me. It made me feel empowered and bold and like I really did have an ‘S’ on my chest under my sweater. After I did this thing—this fabulous, wonderful thing—I drove straight to my bestie’s house and screamed. She was the one person who I knew would understand…and she screamed with me.
This thing that I did required me to step outside of my box. It required me to face FEAR, that bitch that rode my back for so long and held me back from being…me. I exhaled afterward, and felt an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. Even if the thing didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, the way I dreamed it would, I would be okay with that. Because I had climbed a mountain that day, and it made me feel tall and beautiful and exactly how I imagine I should feel every day.
On the Friday before my 40th birthday, I auditioned for a part in the University of Missouri-Kansas City’s production of The Vagina Monologues. I had seen the play years before on HBO, and fell in love with the message of taking the shame and embarrassment out of talking about our vaginas. Being content and open with how we as women deal with the things, both good and bad, that our vaginas attract and do and are. Acknowledging the power of the vagina. I loved it. I auditioned not only because I loved the message, but also because this would be Marva stepping out of her box a bit. I have no problem speaking in front of people (I’m a trainer for crying out loud), but this is different. It won’t be a classroom; there will be an audience. A large audience who will have their eyes focused on me and my words and my movements. And let’s not forget, I would be talking about something that is still considered taboo: the vagina. That’s some scary shit.
After I walked out of that audition, after I had screamed and let out all the excitement that was inside of me, I let the universe know that I was ready and willing and able to do this thing. And then I promptly forgot about it. I firmly believe that those things that are for you, will come to you, whether you are ready or not. I left this one up to the heavens. There was no worrying, no anxiously checking emails or voice mails, no nervousness. When the doubts tried to come, which they always do, I simply exhaled and sent them back on their way. There was no room for those doubts here.
So when I got that phone call this afternoon, that voicemail telling me “Congratulations…you got the part!” I exploded into giddiness. I wasn’t surprised, because the Universe had already promised this to me. I was, and am, ecstatic that I will be a participant in somethign that I feel passionately about; I am overwhelmed that I will be able to use my voice, my personality, my Marva to say something meaningful for others to hear. There is no greater joy than loving something and allowing others to share that with you.
There is power in them rolling hills, ya’ll…
~ M
superwoman…
As a little girl, I looked at my mother as the strongest person I knew. I was scared to death of her, but as I grew up watching her work hard and handling things, I knew that strength would make sense one day. I doubted that I would inherit any of that strength, though. I was such an introvert and so quiet and to myself that I didn’t believe that strength could find its way past those very tall walls. But it did, and I now understand what it all means.
As an adult, I realize that my mother was not the only strong woman in my family. She was just modeling that which she had observed growing up. So when I look around at my granny, my mom, my aunts and cousins, all I see is the strength that all these women carry. Some may not recognize the power that they have inside, but it is there. It is inherent; one of those things that try as you might, you cannot ignore.
That strength showed up in volumes on Tuesday. Through all of our pain and heartache, that quiet strength could not be contained. It flowed freely between the women in my family. It held our hands and calmed our voices and quieted our spirits when we needed it most. That strength that the women in my family possess helped us to turn our faces to the skies above and pray for peace and justice. That strength helped us to say goodbye, even if we didn’t understand the reason behind leaving.
My mother is still the strongest person that I know, but her name is no longer alone on that list. I’ve added my granny, my aunts and my cousins…and myself. I know that strength that flows through them, flows through me. I know, after all that my life has been through the past few years, that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I can’t take any credit for it; it was given to me as a gift. A gift that, on Tuesday, tempered the storm that raged inside, and made me grasp that superwoman runs in my family.
‘Cause even when I’m a mess, I still put on a vest with an ‘S” on my chest,
~ M
what i owe to O
At the beginning of this, Oprah’s last season, I asserted that I would sit and watch every episode. I set my DVR to tape the season and prepared myself for lots of tears and remembering why I love her so much. I imagined that I would sit down in front of my HDTV and nod my head in agreement with O, as I often did, and maybe have a glass of wine or try something new, which she always seemed to get me to do.
I haven’t watched one of those past episodes. I simply couldn’t do it.
I picked up my yearbook a few days ago and turned to the Senior Aspirations page where we all stated our goals when we left school. You know what my goal was? I quote, “…to pursue a career in journalism.” What that quote didn’t say was that I wanted to be Oprah. I wanted to touch people the way that she has touched me, and millions of others around the world.
I was about to turn fourteen when Oprah appeared on my television screen. I was instantly hooked, mainly because she looked like me. Big hair, big personality, big body…and she was successful beyond what I could even begin to imagine for myself. I looked at her and saw myself; not only in physical form, but on a spiritual level that I don’t think I can even explain here.
Throughout the years, I have watched her change, morph really, into everything that I’ve ever wanted to be. Somewhere along the way, though, I began to want to be more me than her. I wanted to walk my own path, discover my own destiny, be my own person more than I wanted to be her. I believe that is about the same time that I started to take this writing thing a little bit more serious. You see, I’ve always known this is my destiny, to be a writer. I know that God is waiting on me to let go and let him take over the controls of my life. While sitting and watching Oprah’s farewell shows, I heard that voice that I’ve always heard whisper softly in my ear saying, “Go and put pen to paper, Marva. It is what you were born to do.”
So here I sit, in front of my computer, writing. Before I got to the real reason I’m sitting here in front of my computer with my hands on the keys, my nails clicking loudly on each letter, I had to thank Oprah. Without her, I would be that almost fourteen year old, growing into a grown ass woman, without knowing that I could be bigger and better than I could ever imagine. Even though I believe that now, I know that even Oprah couldn’t imagine her life to be what she experiences daily. What an amazing legacy, and I am humbled to have watched every day of it.
Now, it’s my turn to step into whatever God has planned for me. I don’t know what that is, I don’t even begin to imagine. But I owe it to God, and to Oprah, to try and then try again.
And that is exactly what I’m going to do. Starting right now.
Writing,
~ Marva
“pain is weakness leaving your body”
My son, who I must proudly say, is a linebacker. A big ole, muscle-bound, eating all the damn time, linebacker. He used to hate putting in the work that was required of someone in that role; now, he relishes it. I get a daily report on what he benches, how he and his fellow high school football playing peers deal with the exhausting rituals that “Coach” puts them through, and most of all, how the muscles in his calves, arms, and shoulders are things of beauty. My baby isn’t a baby anymore…but that is not what this is about.
Today, while we were walking back to the car after picking up our Thursday night dinner of Chipotle burrito bowls, he looked at me over the hood of the car and said, “Pain is weakness leaving your body.” Mind you, the conversation we were having during our walk back to the car had nothing to do with his assertion. It came out of the blue, and despite his statement’s out of the blue origin, I smiled and nodded in agreement. We got in the car and headed home, with him bantering on about Coach scheduling two-a-days during the summer, and me half listening, half thinking. The Boy’s statement, “Pain is weakness leaving your body” rang so true with me and hit me square in that place where I needed it most: my spirit.
My spirit and soul have been in pain, for a good chunk of time now. When I woke up today, however, that pain felt different. It was still there, lingering, but it wasn’t stifling me to the point of losing my breath as it had just yesterday. The pain still clung to me, but it didn’t weigh me down, and I felt almost light, lighter than I’ve felt in months. The pain still followed me to work and still threatened to bring me down into the darkness I’ve been in recently, but today, I felt strong enough to fight back…strong enough to overcome.
So when my son said those words to me in the parking lot of the Chipotle today, I smiled. Because I knew that those words were meant for me. I knew those words were God’s message to me to keep my head up and look forward. The pain will be gone soon, and while it dawdles about, still hanging around, still attacking me, I think I know now that it is simply fighting because it knows its time is near. And in its wake will be a stronger, better me.
I love that.
Je crois que,
~ Marva
p.s. A special thanks to my SisterFriends who love me, pray for me, and keep my head on straight. I love y’all!
happy mother’s day
To all the moms out there who work long hours and still manage to show up at band concerts, who shuffle kids (both your own and someone else’s) back and forth to practice, who still believe in their own dreams and work toward making them come true, who can still put it on him like you did 10 years ago, and who, no matter what, never leave the house without lip gloss and mascara on…
Love,
~ Marva
President Obama at Tucson Memorial
I could not let the day escape without posting this vid. Last night, at an appearance at the University of Arizona, President Obama delivered an excellent speech eulogizing those that were killed, and lifting those of us in the country who have heavy hearts. I watched and cheered, for this was the President I voted for, and believe in still.
If you missed it, or haven’t caught it yet, you can view it below.
video credit: originally uploaded to YouTube on January 12, 2011 by whitehouse
Rebirth
Welcome to Twenty-Eleben!!!
I would venture to guess that many of us have made New Year’s resolutions, many of which will be pursued beginning today. I would also venture that by the end of January, most of those resolutions that we swore to on New Year’s Eve will be forgotten or dropped like a hot rock.
Some of us forgo the resolutions altogether. We know that we will never keep them, so why make them in the first place? We bring in the New Year the same way that we’ve always done, and go about our life, trying to survive or at the least, exist in the world that at times, seems to ignore our presence.
No matter which category you fall in, if you take a look around you and see things that don’t make you happy, change them. You don’t need a New Year’s resolution to get your life right. You also don’t need a resolution to stand in the space that God has prepared for you; just do it.
My goals this year are quite simple and they all begin with the same thought in mind: I am going to be the best me I can be. Included in that are all things that I think are me, or the me that I know I am supposed to be. I will go about making changes in my life quietly, without much fanfare, and without announcing to the world my intentions. My actions will speak louder than any words that I can utter, and it is my goal to show and prove.
This is a picture of me when I was five months old. I look at this picture and see the wide-eyed innocence and blank slate that a child is born with. I see, besides the loads of cuteness, potential. It’s always been there, always right in front of those big dark eyes, and this year I will move surefooted to begin picking up the pieces that build the life that I want to have. It is about rebirth, not resolutions, and I am prepared to strip all the things away from me that prevent me from moving ahead.
I will use my life to put on full display the power of goodness and love. As Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”
I plan to, everyday.
Sunday Inspiration: I Know I’ve Been Changed
Good morning! The Good Lord woke me up this morning…that is praiseworthy! Have a blessed day everyone!
video credit: originally uploaded to YouTube on November22, 2008 by PeculiarPrayze
Sunday Inspiration: Grace
Whenever I am feeling low, I put this record on to remind me of the true reason I’m here, living and breathing. Everyone needs a little push now and again, and this song does it for me every time.
“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost and now I’m found
Was blind but now I see!”
Happy Sunday…
