happy new year!
I’m really glad to see 2011 go. It was a rough year, tarnished by tragedy and pain. The year 2011 wasn’t all bad; I met some wonderful people and had my eyes open to possibility. I have been thrown off my path by the flirtiness of love and life, and yet, I’m still here. That in itself is a huge blessing. And the lessons I’ve learned will stay with me and make me stronger, better, wiser.
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned this year was that you cannot hide from love. It will chase you down and envelop you. It will tackle and twist you up, so much so that you no longer know if you are coming or going. No matter the form that love takes when it comes to you, I’ve learned that you must acknowledge it and not try to hide from it. It will find you, inevitably. What you do with that love is the most important lesson. Love is not to be kept or stored; love is for sharing and spreading. I’ve learned to be true to my feelings and acknowledge that they are valid and real, and to give that love freely, no matter the consequence.
This year, I lost my cousin Ed and my Aunt Fronnie. While it is always difficult to lose someone that you love, I find comfort in knowing that they were great people who lived their lives. My cousin Ed was a phenomenal man. A man that loved his family and friends, and who graciously gave his love to anyone who came in contact with him. I still cringe when I remember that his life was cut short by bullets and jealousy. It is my job, I believe, to continue to live fearlessly because of his death. Ed’s death taught me that tomorrow is never promised, and that in order to fully stand up in place destined for you, I have to be deliberate. Resting on my laurels will never get me the life I want…I must fear nothing and continue to progress.
This whole year was a reaffirmation of the blessings that I have been given. Even when I was down and out, I kept breathing, kept waking, kept receiving another chance to stand. I’m thankful for that. It may seem to be a simple blessing, but I think it’s the most important one. God has chosen me; he wants me to achieve and grow and be completely who I am. That’s why I keep waking in the morning; that’s why I still have a chance to go after all those things that have evaded me, in spite of myself.
“I look in the mirror…my only opponent…” (c) Jay-Z
I stand in my own way. I could look around and blame others for where I am, but truly I am my biggest obstacle. I’ve learned this year to get out of my own way, and let the universe take care of clearing my path. I had to swallow my pride this year and climb over seemingly unconquerable mountains, but I did it. When I got stuck, it was because I chose to stand and look around rather than continue on. I am moving, and I have to thank those that forever have their hands at my back, pushing me towards myself.
I have the most amazing friends. It has taken me a long time to establish friendships that are supportive and giving. My SisterFriends are the most amazing group of ladies that I know. I love them because they are honest and pure with me, all while coming from a place of love. I don’t have to worry about backbiting and jealousy, I don’t worry about that whole crabs-in-a-barrel mentality that I think plagues us as women. Any competition among us is healthy, and we don’t tear each other down in order to make ourselves look better.
I also came back to my family and made a commitment to be more involved. It is within the walls of my family that I learn life’s best lessons. I’ve learned how to be a woman, how to be a friend, and how not to ever give up from my family. We argue and fuss, we don’t speak to each other and get mad, but always come back to the center of it all when life throws a curveball. It’s not perfect; I still have ties that need repairing…I’m working on it.
Going into 2012, I am choosing to continue being positive. there is so much I could complain about…but why? Complaining never changes anything. I choose to take those things that impede my progress and find the positivity. I am living to find the possibilities. My motto for this year is simply,
“Remember that at any given moment, there are a thousand things you can love.” (c) David Levithan
I choose to find those things to love, rather than settle with the things to hate.
I went through hell…I’m expecting heaven,
~ M
