something fabulous this way comes…
I did something for me on my 40th birthday…just for me. It made me feel empowered and bold and like I really did have an ‘S’ on my chest under my sweater. After I did this thing—this fabulous, wonderful thing—I drove straight to my bestie’s house and screamed. She was the one person who I knew would understand…and she screamed with me.
This thing that I did required me to step outside of my box. It required me to face FEAR, that bitch that rode my back for so long and held me back from being…me. I exhaled afterward, and felt an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. Even if the thing didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, the way I dreamed it would, I would be okay with that. Because I had climbed a mountain that day, and it made me feel tall and beautiful and exactly how I imagine I should feel every day.
On the Friday before my 40th birthday, I auditioned for a part in the University of Missouri-Kansas City’s production of The Vagina Monologues. I had seen the play years before on HBO, and fell in love with the message of taking the shame and embarrassment out of talking about our vaginas. Being content and open with how we as women deal with the things, both good and bad, that our vaginas attract and do and are. Acknowledging the power of the vagina. I loved it. I auditioned not only because I loved the message, but also because this would be Marva stepping out of her box a bit. I have no problem speaking in front of people (I’m a trainer for crying out loud), but this is different. It won’t be a classroom; there will be an audience. A large audience who will have their eyes focused on me and my words and my movements. And let’s not forget, I would be talking about something that is still considered taboo: the vagina. That’s some scary shit.
After I walked out of that audition, after I had screamed and let out all the excitement that was inside of me, I let the universe know that I was ready and willing and able to do this thing. And then I promptly forgot about it. I firmly believe that those things that are for you, will come to you, whether you are ready or not. I left this one up to the heavens. There was no worrying, no anxiously checking emails or voice mails, no nervousness. When the doubts tried to come, which they always do, I simply exhaled and sent them back on their way. There was no room for those doubts here.
So when I got that phone call this afternoon, that voicemail telling me “Congratulations…you got the part!” I exploded into giddiness. I wasn’t surprised, because the Universe had already promised this to me. I was, and am, ecstatic that I will be a participant in somethign that I feel passionately about; I am overwhelmed that I will be able to use my voice, my personality, my Marva to say something meaningful for others to hear. There is no greater joy than loving something and allowing others to share that with you.
There is power in them rolling hills, ya’ll…
~ M
