Conversations with Marva

My boy turns 16 today. Like always, I’m all in my feelings about it. I did it when Jordyn went to kindergarten, I did it when he turned 13, and I’ll do it when he graduates and goes to college.

I think back to when Jordyn was born. Such a big boy (8lbs, 8 ozs.). I remember my first thought was, “His hands are so big!” But I loved him. Even before I knew him, I loved him. The picture over there is my favorite one. He is 3 months old, and the cutest thing I ever saw. But the picture is more than that of a cute baby; it epitomizes the joy that he brings to my life daily.

I complain. I nag. I yell, I fuss. Sometimes I just want him to go away for a while so I can catch my breath. Between running him back and forth to school and football practice, to never being able to eat my leftovers because he got to them first, I feel a little overwhelmed from time to time. I then catch my breath and remember how blessed I am.

I am blessed because God gave me this beautiful gift to love. I am blessed because even though sometimes I can’t pay Jordyn to remember to take out the trash or clean his room, he is the one bright spot in my life that I can count on. I don’t know what I would do without him…he is my joy.

It’s getting more and more where he won’t need me as much. I see signs of him pulling away, and I feel conflicted. You see, I want him to grow up and experience life. I want him to bump into his own walls and learn the lessons life has in store for him. I want him to fall in love and have someone break his heart, then have the audacity to fall in love again. But I also just want to stand in front of him like the lioness I have been for the past 16 years and protect him from all of that. But I can’t, and I won’t.

My boy is a good boy. He’s mischievous, and quick to laughter. He has a kind heart, and is infallibly generous and polite. Today on his 16th birthday, I look back and remember the baby I once vowed to love and protect. I also look ahead and see that he is becoming the man his father and I want him to be.

The Sarabi to his Simba,

~ M

Tags: 16th Birthday, Jordyn Fowler, Love