What Do I Do With These Feelings?
Every woman, if she has lived long enough, has that one guy in her past or present whose memory still makes her heart pitter-patter. I’m lucky; I’ve had two. While still in those relationships, it’s easy to find a place for the feelings. All that love is bundled up and hopefully, offered without condition or limitation. But what do you do with the feelings that just won’t go away once the relationship is over?
What do you do when every song on the radio or that comes up randomly on your mp3 player triggers some memory that takes you back to when; when the scent of a cologne takes your mind back to there; when your dreams are invaded by his face, his voice, his touch?
I’m remembering…and it’s making me feel all these feelings that I thought I had buried a long time ago. Maybe these feelings that have visited me are trying to tell me something else; that perhaps I need to take them in and let them open me up to something new. But how do I turn them off for him and turn them onto something else?
Sigh. I keep going, that’s what I’ll do. I will keep getting up every morning and facing forward. I will keep reminding myself that the relationship had to fall apart because of something; whether that be my fault or his doesn’t matter. Eventually the memories will fall away, and perhaps I will then be ready to create new memories.
I’m rambling, I know. But there is one constant thing that stays on my mind: there is no way to move into the future by holding onto the past. It’s okay to remember, as long as you do it in passing and don’t stop and stare for too long.
