Roast Beef

In my late night channel surfing, I came across the television show, Nip/Tuck. I’ve never seen the show before and thought that I would just pass it by this time, but a single line stopped me dead in my tracks.

On the show, a woman was describing her…womanly parts and she said that it looked like “a roast beef sandwich.” I laughed so hard that I woke my son up, who is at the other end of a very long hallway between our bedrooms. After apologizing and returning to the show, I settled into watching. This should be good.

The show was about vaginal uplifts. The very thought gives me the shudders. How unfortunate it must be to need to have a scalpel taken to your va-jay-jay because it is unsightly. But then, what exactly is the standard for this? Is there a web site that shows you how it should look, or are you just flat out told that you have an ugly va-jay-jay?

The whole description of “a roast beef sandwich” has haunted me all night. I told someone last night that it just conjured up images of loose meat…eww. So when I woke up this morning, I looked it up. Turns out, the formal name for the procedure is labiaplasty. And let me just say here and now, that having looked at pictures of before and after va-jay-jays…I don’t see the big deal. But then I don’t think I was the target audience…I’m of the belief that no matter what it looks like, someone will like it, love it even. More importantly, it is important that you like it. And of course if you don’t, more power to you if you decide to do something about it.

I’ll skip on this one though, thanks. And don’t ask…I’m not giving a link to the pictures. Go and find it yourself…

Cosmetic surgery is one of those things that I have mixed feelings on. I know that there are deformities and abnormalities that create a need for cosmetic surgery, and I don’t judge anyone for getting their boobs done to feel better about themselves. But these days it seems as though it has taken on a life of its own and people have lost their minds. There are things from butt implants (BUTT IMPLANTS!!) to permanent tattoos of eyebrows and lip liners…seriously? There is an insane amount of pleasure that I get from choosing my lip liner and color everyday…I should own stock in MAC, because I swear I own almost all of those lip liners…even the ones I know I shouldn’t own because they don’t look good on me (for real…what was I thinking with that Grape?). And although I’m not a size 6, I’m happy with what I got. Even if some days I wish I could push these boobs out of the way of themselves. And seriously, having this much ass should be against the law.

But at least it ain’t roast beef…that I know for sure.

Peace…

p.s. Did you know that they do Hymenoplasty to restore the hymen to its “pre-sexual” state?

I just realized that even though I’m 37, I’ve lived a very sheltered life.