I used to see this guy…we’ll name him Reggie. Reggie was a pretty muthafucka, fine as frog’s hair, and I fell for his ass hook, line, and sinker. Charming bastard. He had one of those smiles that could light up a room, and always made me laugh and most importantly, he made me feel beautiful. The way he used to look at me…woo! But Reggie was no good for me…he took me through all kinds of changes and ups and downs and I rode this roller coaster, thinking that I had a chance with him, if I could just hold on. I was in denial.
It started out as harmless flirting. Then one night he called and I went running. Why? Well, curiosity killed the cat. And I was lonely. I knew what I was getting myself into, so I place little blame on him. That first night we spent together was less than perfect, if I am to be honest about it. But then? I thought I was in love. I was young and dumb and blinded by romance. I mean, I walk into candlelight, with this song playing:
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
and he did all the things that I believed he was supposed to do. Now the one thing that I can credit him with…he was an amazing kisser. And he loved to do it. Often. Have you ever been kissed so much that your lips felt swollen? That was me.
But I digress. We hooked up often, Reggie and me. He used to come to my house after gigs (he was a semi-musician) and call me in the middle of the night; he says it was just to hear my voice. You can see how my mind got all fucked up. Because the shit went outside the bedroom. We were friends, yes…but the massaging of my ego and the stroking of my femininity went far beyond what happened between us sexually. That is how I got all wrapped up. Then he upped and disappeared on my ass. When he reappeared, he showed up with a girlfriend who was pregnant. What the fuck?!
You know what I did? I retreated. I waited. Because I knew this was temporary. I knew that he loved me. How did I know? Because of all the things that he had told me, did to me, showed me during our…I don’t even know what to call it. It wasn’t a relationship, it wasn’t anything. There is no description because it was one-sided. I take that back; I don’t want to paint him as a villain or bad guy; I just think that he took advantage of me offering free pussy…it was me who went all in. When he came back, I was there. He used to tell her he was going to the store or to get something to eat late at night and he would be at my house getting the blow job of his life…then I would send him back to her. Oh this shit went on for months, and once again he disappeared. Only this time when he reappeared, he did it with a woman he was set to marry. Marry!
This time, I was crushed. A girlfriend I can deal with. A wife I cannot. My heart was broken…what about me? I have loved him, and been there for him and he does this. But I put on a brave face and moved on. After his marriage fell apart (because he never should have married her in the first place; that ’s a whole ‘nother story), he came to see me. I will never forget that visit because I looked him in his eyes and told him that I loved him. But I also told him that I wasn’t there for him anymore. It was one of the hardest things I’d done so far in my life, and one of the best decisions I’d ever made.
If you continue to chase after someone who doesn’t put into the relationship what you are putting into it, you are wasting your efforts. You can never make a man love you like you love him, nor can you make him see something in you that he sees in other women that makes him want them more than he wants you. Men can get sex from anywhere, and even if you have heaven between your legs, it doesn’t guarantee that you will be able to keep a man. If the signs are there, don’t be in denial and ignore them. Swallow the truth and move on.
