Jul 232008

Grown Woman

Speaking From The Heart Add comments

I realized today that I am old; but not in a bad way. I am a grown woman, for real. One that cares about what happens around her, to her, and I am grateful for that awareness. I used to harbor these feelings towards my mother for being so hard on me, but I wanted to drive over to her house and give her a hug today. Because if she had not taught me how to be a fighter, how to stand on my own two feet, and how to live in this world, I would be in a heap of trouble.

I look at younger women these days and I am concerned. Very concerned. There are a handful that have the work ethic and tenacity that it is going to require to fight the fight, but some are just succumbing. I watched a girl get fired today over some bullshit and she showed absolutely no remorse at all. None. Now, I don’t know what her insides were doing, but her outsides? Attitude, and like it was the job’s fault that she was fucking up. My brother is like that, too. Everything is everyone else’s fault, nothing is ever his fault. Life has dealt him a fairly blessed hand so far, yet he doesn’t even have a clue about how far and how deep. That is sad.

I look around me and I see these young people in their 20’s just movin through life with no purpose and I wonder what the hell happened. I know that it has become the age of video games and television and internet, but there has to be something else, right? Shiftless parents, failing schools, single-parent homes (although I would argue that single-parent homes can and do produce good kids)…where has the accountability gone? Maybe its because I no longer live in the city and I don’t know what life is in the ‘hood anymore that I don’t understand it. But ever since I was a teenager, I knew that I wanted to live. I knew that I wanted a bigger and better life. I knew that I didn’t want to succumb to whatever everyone thought I should be because of the color of my skin or my gender or what I looked like.

So instead of sitting here and asking questions, I’ve decided to do something about it. I am volunteering to mentor 3 young women, to teach them something that maybe they haven’t been taught. When I was young and dumb, I had my mother and my aunts, and older women who told me the things that I needed to know. Maybe this is part of my purpose. That teacher thing in me is wider than just being what I am at work…I need to expand on that and carry it through to other places…

I’ll let you know how it turns out…

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Posted by Marva at 7:50 PM Tagged with: ,
  • That is very kind of you, you must have patience - something I lack.
    I see many motivated people my age, but just as many unmotivated people, with no curiosity about anything, and no expectations of themselves. Just a blank life full of "whatever".

    I wish you luck, they are very lucky.
  • admin
    @cooper - Thanks Coop...I certainly didn't mean that there aren't any motivated 20 year olds...I know several, many of them I'm related to...I guess what happened today, and the deal with my brother just hit me all at once and is sitting on my soul, provoking me to do something...
  • "I look around me and I see these young people in their 20’s just movin through life with no purpose and I wonder what the hell happened."

    I like your questioning about our youth. You are not alone, but I have to say, what you are witnessing is the results of "Babies having Babies" Remember that adage? Remember in the mid-80's when we had a slew of youngs girls having children between the ages of 13 to 18 years old? Well guess what, those babies are now 18 to 24 years old. They are that generation and I think a lot of people have forgotten about or didn't realize that those babies would grow up...voila we have a group of shiftless teens and young adults!

    Much praise on your proactive response to mend the unraveling threads of our youths...
  • *church choir singing*

    There's something about realizing our gifts and talents and then seeing the possibility of sharing it in a new way.

    Kudos to you, and how blessed the young folk will be!

    Devotion:
    Titus 2:2-5
    Older women of the congregation are to be "teachers of good things."
  • I'm so happy that you are making that step. So many children out there need role models to understand that the reality that they are living now doesn't have to be their future reality. There is more to life.

    You aren't out of touch. It doesn't matter if its the suburbs, rural areas, or the inner cities... children can be jacked up no matter the area. It is up to the parents and the community to see that they are kept on a path of success.

    Excellent post. I'm glad you are doing big things and letting folk know life can be better if you have the strength and determination to climb to the top.
  • Thank you, thank you for not only speaking about it on the blog but making that step to do something. I think there is just too much talking in the blogosphere. There are a lot of little things we can do but I think people think making a difference requires life-altering changes or a lot of time.

    I remember the blogs going crazy over a white valedictorian at Morehouse but I wonder how many of us see a kid with potential and even slow down a bit to give a little advice.

    One of my Upward Bound students was a ninth grader. She wants to be a lawyer and go in business. I told her about doing a dual program, the LSAT, getting the highest grades possible from her first semester in college (four years away) and gave her a bunch of view books from different law schools. She might have been a bit overwhelmed but so many of our kids with the biggest dreams don't know the people they are competing with kids who have parents and mentors who do take time with them from high school and in some cases middle school.

    I went to school with a white female who before she had applied to law school spent countless years in the professional/corporate environment, sat in on staff meetings, prepared witnesses for trial, read/proofread briefs, and was mistaken for co-counsel by a judge during a trial. Her mom was a doctor and I think her dad was a lawyer.

    All of us who have this determination to see improvement in the Black community need to stop talking about it and realize we're the ones who can help these kids. This was way too long I'm sure but again, THANK YOU MSMARVALUS. What you're doing is beautiful.
  • Bravo Marva! They couldn't ask for a btter mentor.
  • Hey MM!
    Awesome deal! I know you will be fabulous as a mentor. You have so much to give and Lord knows there are tons of "young ladies" who can stand to gain some of that knowledge. The best way to lead is by example and what a great example you are setting!

    I totally feel you on the homage to your mother,. Too many kids today don't have that, we are definitely among the fortunate few!
  • SjP
    Good for you! I work with young folk between 18 and 25 and am often amazed at the sense of "entitlement" they seem to possess. I see this in my own two children who are also in this age group. Often have to tell them that "the real world" ain't something they see on TV.
  • DB
    good for you"M". i can't lie...i'm not sure i have the patience. I can work with individuals who will meet me half way. but the hard core lazy slackers i can't do.
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