What does happyness feel like? I think it has been so long since I’ve been happy, I wouldn’t know it if it showed up in person and tapped me on the shoulder. I almost feel like I’m going through the motions, moving through life automatically…but it has no substance for me. I live life for my son; the pleasures that I receive nowadays are the moments that I get to spend with him and seeing him smile and watching him grow…the only other thing that gives me true joy is this space, where I am free to be completely me.
I thought that being freed from that corporate environment was a blessing; but a year later, where have I gone? Have I progressed? There are some deep-seated questions that I must ask myself to get to the core of what is unsettling about the path that my life is on right now; I am ready to ask those questions and seek the answers and move forward. I am not one to rest on her laurels and settle for “just okay.” I have high expectations from every around me: my family, my friends, my son…because I have high expectations of myself.
I write this just to put in writing somewhere a commitment of sorts that I will begin here, today, in trying to discover what the hell is going on. The one thing I believe in is change; it may be hard, but it is necessary. If you are not happy with the things are, you can change them. And that is what I intend to do. There are a lot of things to tackle, but to avoid taking on too many at once, I will concentrate on one thing at a time…
The first is the one thing that I’ve always wanted to do. I have an idea ruminating in my head…it is still in the development stages right now, so I’ll keep it to myself for now…but when I’m ready to share, you will be the first to know.
For now, know that I am alright, but changing…in a good way.
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MarvalusOne
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invisiblewoman
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Sharon
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Rosemarie
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MarvalusOne
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regina
